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Cast Albert P. Santos ..... Flaco (as Albert Santos) Alejandro Patino ..... Juan Amy Powell ..... Anchorwoman Bill Doyle ..... Colonel Bill Engvall ..... Bill Carlos Moreno Jr. ..... Jaime Chris Spencer ..... Co-Pilot Christina Moore ..... Karen Craig Susser ..... Roger Grabowski Danielle Hartnett ..... Senorita Magdalena Danny Trejo ..... Carlos Santana David DeSantos ..... Bandito #3 Ricardo DJ Qualls ..... Everett Ed O'Ross ..... Victor Emilio Rivera ..... Jorge Esteban Cueto ..... El Javelina Glenn Morshower ..... General Jeff Dunham ..... Amazing Ken Joe Nunez ..... Ruben (as Joseph Nunez) Joel McKinnon Miller ..... Pilot Keith David ..... Sgt. Kilgore Lance Smith ..... Sgt. Adams Larry The Cable Guy ..... Larry Lisa Lampanelli ..... Connie Lorna Scott ..... Woman at Cowboy Frank’s Luis Chavez ..... Carlos Marisol Nichols ..... Maria Matt Riedy ..... Colonel Dalton McKinley Freeman ..... Airborne Soldier Michael Edward Rose ..... Sgt. Major Michael Papajohn ..... Bill’s Neighbor Nicholas Guilak ..... Luis P.J. Walsh ..... Medic Parker Goris ..... Bill's Boy Rolando Molina ..... Bartender Shelly Desai ..... Farmer Tony Perez ..... Mayor

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